I slept better last night than I normally do, and that’s probably part of the reason why I was in a better mood today. It’s silly how I told myself that I’d cut coffee from my life, but I honestly just don’t have the willpower to do so. Call me an addict, whatever. Caffeine is a drug. But without coffee, I fall asleep at random times for hours and it just fucks up my schedule so badly.
I drink a cup of coffee a day. Black. Meaning, no extra sugar– just straight up 95mg of caffeine and 116mg of potassium in an 8oz cup of coffee. Yes, 8oz. My Keurig tells me so. Sometimes I don’t even finish my full cup, and I rarely ever drink another cup of coffee. I barely eat chocolate, and my teas are always caffeine free. I also only drink soda in replace of coffee, so I don’t really have any other source of caffeine besides that. Sometimes I wonder if I should switch to decaf. I have a feeling I’m going to be told to do so.
I feel completely dead and unmotivated when I don’t drink coffee. For example, I usually forget to drink coffee on Sundays because I never have time to drink any before service in the morning. I do usually end up drinking soda for lunch, but something just isn’t the same. I feel like it’s also the sugar crash and me falling asleep for hours at the most random times is what gets me. And that’s why I always feel like shit on Mondays for not being able to get enough sleep.
I honestly do feel caffeine has some type of correlation to my anxiety. It makes sense. I started drinking coffee in college, and I started having panic attacks and bad anxiety in college. I just feel like it’s getting worse with the added “adulting” to the mix. It sucks. I don’t know what to do with my life. I can quit coffee, but it’s honestly the only thing that gets me up in the morning. Sometimes at night (even right now), the only thing I look forward to for the next day is to drink another cup of coffee.
Hah. I’m a drug addict. Caffeine addict. Who would’ve thought. Oh, right. Everyone.
That’s all I have for today.
Until next time.
xo, nat.
w0lfvi3ws. 